mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize