is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
