Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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