Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
