But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
