i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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