The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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