He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
two words: eviction party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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