so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
