Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
