Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
