You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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