Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
