i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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