Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
