im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
