I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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