Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
false alarm, still single
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
