There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
