chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
