I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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