It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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