i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this will be a night to untag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
