I think i peed on brittanys purse
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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