so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
