Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
