Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
