woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
