This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
