Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize