got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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