a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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