I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
