Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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