Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
