I should be sponsored by Trojan
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize