Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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