I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
