he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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