It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
