I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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