doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
