just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize