did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just pee around me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
