people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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