as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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