It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize