i don't like sucking hair
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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