Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
