i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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