I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
