Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
