It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
