In the future we'll all be gay
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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