I've blown a few things in my day
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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