brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
