how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
