I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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