I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
