A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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