Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize