Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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