For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
