the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
