after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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