Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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