what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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