I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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