My friends, they love my intelligence
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
