Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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