the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
