would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
