I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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