Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
