Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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