i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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