If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
